Confessions of a car snob...

OK, I’m a car snob. There, I said it... Guilty as charged!

I have always loved cars. I had dozens of cool matchbox cars as a little kid, my school notebooks were full of hot-rod sketchings, I knew the name of every car on the road, I got my learners permit the day I turned 16, and ignoring my parent’s trepidation, was driving their land yacht solo shortly thereafter. I purchased my first car, a beautiful blue 1971 Camaro, as soon as I could afford to own one while I was in college. I’ve spent a small fortune on car magazines, and a much larger fortune on the real things.

To me, cars are not merely a way to get from point A to point B - oh don’t I wish... Unfortunately, I see them as works of art, fashion statements, something to be admired, and yes, even lusted after.

Given these views, it’s no surprise that I value style and design above pure functionality. Don’t get me wrong, I believe a vehicle has to meet its functional requirements, it must be well engineered, and built to a very high quality. But, the vehicle that does so with the most flair and pizazz, or funkiness, will win in my book every time. 

I tend to deviate away from the popular and towards the unique.  How can you make a fashion statement in a vehicle that everyone else owns 😊 I also favor small over big. I cringe every time I see a massive SUV on the road with one person in it. I’m not obsessed with owning the most fuel efficient vehicle, but I see no reason for wastefulness either. Why burn more fossil fuel than necessary to get the job done? You need a big vehicle if you’re always carrying a load of kids, not so much if the two rear rows of your vehicle’s seats look brand new.

All of the above created quite the challenge five years ago when Carol and I decided to purchase a vehicle that could efficiently haul both our bicycles inside it with minimal disassembly of the bikes - ideally only removing the front wheel. Why inside vs. a roof or bumper rack? There are quite a few benefits but the two main reasons are the bikes stay clean even in the ugliest of weather and you can leave them locked inside the vehicle vs. hauling them into your hotel room on a weekend trip.

So, with bicycles in tow, we went car hunting and quickly realized that many vehicles that look big on the outside, aren’t big on the inside. Mid sized SUV’s and crossovers didn’t make the cut. Their rear seats were the problem. They didn’t leave enough height to stand my bike up when folded down.  Did we need to move up to a big SUV, or heaven forbid, a minivan? I did some internet research and found a potential answer - the modest Honda Element. Honda stopped making the Element in 2011 which wasn’t a problem for us as we preferred a used car anyway. But, most of the Elements we saw were horribly ugly with black plastic fenders and hose-down vinyl interiors. However, I learned that Honda made a slightly upscale version called the Element SC that came with fully painted body panels, nicer wheels, a better suspension, an upgraded stereo, and carpeting for the front passengers. It still had an awkward driving position, large a-pillar blind spots, and was noisy on the road. But, the bikes fit really well and it’s kinda good looking in a funky, unique way. We eventually purchased a metallic grey 2007 SC with 45,000 miles on it. Freshly polished, it looks pretty darned good!

We’ve learned to love this car. I popped the rear seats out (an easy five minute job) the day we brought it home and have put them back only once. We primarily use it as our around town bike hauler, but it’s done duty as a pickup truck, a moving van, a food cupboard transport (do you know how many cases of canned goods you can fit in this thing!), and it’s my airport car. We affectionately call it “The Box”. I know - not too imaginative - but it fits...

However, as much as we love it, it has it’s limitations. We have to put Carol’s bike behind the driver because my bike won’t fit when I have the drivers seat set for me; I need to adjust the drivers seat as low as possible, which is not ideal for a 6’2” frame, because the steering wheel doesn’t have enough adjustment to yield a comfortable driving position; the seat belts annoyingly cut into Carol’s neck; the engine is rather anemic on the highway; it’s noisy at cruising speed; and it’s technology is over 10 years old (e.g. no Bluetooth). None of these are serious on modest duration trips. But, they are quite noticeable on extended trips like the one we just made to Fredericksburg, TX. For example, I did most of the driving because my knees hit the dashboard when I shifted to the passenger side where my bike was mounted and a full day of driving in less than ideal driving positions yielded some very sore backs by the end of the day.

Carol and I plan to do more of these multiple day road trips in the future so as much as we love “The Box”, we are looking for a replacement that’s a little larger with a few more of the creature comforts that come into play on a long road trip. 

This is where my car snobbery get’s in the way because unfortunately, we haven’t found anything “a little larger” that the bikes fit into and the most logical/practical answer is a full sized minivan. I say full sized because these things have outgrown the “mini” in minivan.  They are as big and almost as heavy as a full-sized SUV.  

But honestly, the biggest issue for me is that they look like, well, a minivan.  IMHO, there’s no amount of exterior styling that can make these people movers look truly appealing.  They also drive and handle like, well, a minivan.  They aren’t fuel sippers either.  The best of the lot get’s 27 mpg on the road with some getting a gas guzzling 22 mpg.

What else is there? A full sized SUV may be a viable alternative if the seats fold flat enough. I find them way more appealing stylistically and normally that would be my deciding factor.  But, remember that comment earlier about cringing every time I see a big SUV with one person in it?  That would be me every time I drove to the airport or ran an errand. Ughh...

Time will tell if I can overcome my snobbery.  

My favorite minivan is the 2015 or newer Kia Sedona in SXL trim.  The front fascia is nice and the interior is beautiful, but it looks like, well, a minivan from the side and it get’s a horrible 22mpg on the road.  I’m not ready to pull the trigger just yet.

So, in the meantime, you’re likely to find me car shopping at a local used car lot, bike in tow, looking for an appealing alternative. Stay tuned and let me know if you have any recommendations!